jimmy hill's chin
New member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 230
With David Beckham off to sunnier climes, rumour has it David Seaman is interested in renting his old England colleague's pad.
The moustachioed one signed for Manchester City in the summer and sees the £1.25m gaff in Cheshire as his ideal base.
But before Becks can give a definite si or no, he'll have to weigh up the pros and cons. OK, forget the pros.
The swimming pool would be clogged with long, black hairs - never mind the thick film of grease on the surface.
All the crockery would be broken. Well, accidents will happen.
The place would be awash with maggots (from Seaman's love of fishing, not his moustache).
Complaints from neighbours would reach record levels after non-stop raids from the vice squad, convinced a well-known 'alternative video' star was on the premises.
In an ideal world, you'd like to rent your house to Gary Neville - because you could guarantee the kitchen would be spotless when you got back.
But which footballing heroes would be a definite no-no? Here's a few to avoid:
Roy Keane
You'd be reading about your favourite postman in Keano's new book;
"I'd waited long enough for my letters - I f****** hit him hard. Take that you **** and don't ever stand over me again, sneering about fake hold-ups in the sorting office."
And another thing - who's going to tell Roy you want your keys back?
Wayne Rooney
Can you imagine popping in to check up and finding drunken teenagers sprawled all over the sofas, with sick all over the shagpile? No, didn't think so.
Michael Owen
Many people's choice for the ideal house guest - in bed by 10 every night, meticulous with the housework, quiet as a mouse...
One problem, though. Where once you had a nice big house surrounded by 40 acres of lush, green lawns, you'd have a nice big house surrounded by lots of nice little houses for the rest of the Owen clan.
Dennis Bergkamp
Could have trouble paying the rent - unless he convinces you to give him a 66% reduction.
Sir Bobby Robson
You certainly wouldn't have to worry about wild, all-night parties, with everybody's favourite pensioner in residence.
But think of all the sleepless nights you'd have wondering if he'd left the gas on.
Claudio Ranieri
Lovely fella, but would almost certainly be more interested in a (very) short-term let.
Harry Redknapp
"Well there was this dead cert at Chepstow and I told me mate I'd put me house on it. Unfortunately, I put yours on instead..."
The moustachioed one signed for Manchester City in the summer and sees the £1.25m gaff in Cheshire as his ideal base.
But before Becks can give a definite si or no, he'll have to weigh up the pros and cons. OK, forget the pros.
The swimming pool would be clogged with long, black hairs - never mind the thick film of grease on the surface.
All the crockery would be broken. Well, accidents will happen.
The place would be awash with maggots (from Seaman's love of fishing, not his moustache).
Complaints from neighbours would reach record levels after non-stop raids from the vice squad, convinced a well-known 'alternative video' star was on the premises.
In an ideal world, you'd like to rent your house to Gary Neville - because you could guarantee the kitchen would be spotless when you got back.
But which footballing heroes would be a definite no-no? Here's a few to avoid:
Roy Keane
You'd be reading about your favourite postman in Keano's new book;
"I'd waited long enough for my letters - I f****** hit him hard. Take that you **** and don't ever stand over me again, sneering about fake hold-ups in the sorting office."
And another thing - who's going to tell Roy you want your keys back?
Wayne Rooney
Can you imagine popping in to check up and finding drunken teenagers sprawled all over the sofas, with sick all over the shagpile? No, didn't think so.
Michael Owen
Many people's choice for the ideal house guest - in bed by 10 every night, meticulous with the housework, quiet as a mouse...
One problem, though. Where once you had a nice big house surrounded by 40 acres of lush, green lawns, you'd have a nice big house surrounded by lots of nice little houses for the rest of the Owen clan.
Dennis Bergkamp
Could have trouble paying the rent - unless he convinces you to give him a 66% reduction.
Sir Bobby Robson
You certainly wouldn't have to worry about wild, all-night parties, with everybody's favourite pensioner in residence.
But think of all the sleepless nights you'd have wondering if he'd left the gas on.
Claudio Ranieri
Lovely fella, but would almost certainly be more interested in a (very) short-term let.
Harry Redknapp
"Well there was this dead cert at Chepstow and I told me mate I'd put me house on it. Unfortunately, I put yours on instead..."