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This morning I travelled to the ground floor with the intention of defecating in the peaceful and spacious surroundings of the handicapped toilet, but on pushing against the door, I disappointingly discovered it to be locked. I considered returning to my desk and trying again a bit later, but...

To be fair, who doesn't ?

Its a fair question. I have days, really.

Damn straight. Orange Calippo is the nectar of the GODS. I'd risk a full-on underkeck creamy cradle for a Calippo if the van was pulling away.

Wow, what a drama ! Did you scarper out of there and deny all knowledge ? I had to rush out of the handicapped bog a couple of weeks ago with a somewhat slapdash wipe, as I heard the ice cream van pull into the carpark and I really wanted a Calippo.

I could raise it with Facilities Management "on behalf of our disabled employees" (not that I've seen any, but we do share the building). But I fear I'd be quickly rumbled. I really don't want to advertise the disabled bog if I can at all help it, otherwise everyone will be in on my dark little...

A sobering tale indeed. The toilets on our floor consist of Trap 1 and Trap 2, no urinal. I simply refuse to shit in there. I'll go in there for a jimmy, but I simply cannot BEAR defecating directly next to someone, or risking someone entering the trap next to me whilst I am embroiled mid-cack...

Arriving back from lunch, I pressed then button for the lift. It arrived on the ground floor, and before I got in, a woman on her mobile came BARRELLING out, not looking where she was going, and had to do a swerve to avoid colliding with me. I let out a "whoops", as if it was MY fault, but this...